how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Congratulations! We have a period
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