i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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