I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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