Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
