Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
