before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
