Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
