And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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