I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
