i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
