the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
