Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
