You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
