So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
