My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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