I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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