Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
