I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
