i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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