you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
how does that bad decision feel?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
