I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
did i just pee glitter
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