Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
