we have pet lesbian snakes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just gift wrapped bread.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
