Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You did what with his pubic hair?
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