1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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