I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
