I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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