It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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