Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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