now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
