Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
