Dual....:-)
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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