thus making me awesome and them whores
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
