So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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