I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
