I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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