You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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