shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why are your pants in the freezer?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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