the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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