32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
