woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
