he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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