hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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