Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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