I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
