she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
