she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
