He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
