It's Friday. Sex?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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