Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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