i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My feet surprised me
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