I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
