i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
