Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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