Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
