Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
